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How do I focus on my life-not what my parents are making me out to be?

How do I focus on my life-not what my parents are making me out to be?

TheAmazingRoomloaf

Just tell people you wanted to simplify your life and decided to unplug from social media. You do not have an obligation to explain to anyone why you wanted to simplify.


Shakespeare824

THIS! You get to form your own boundaries—with your parents, too—and stay safe. Don’t explain. In fact, if strangers press you, feel free to tell them it is not their business. Distant relatives would tell me I needed to call my mother and “Just tell her you love her” after I went no-contact, and I just told them, “You don’t have all the facts, do you?” And walked away. I applaud you for breaking free of this, but when situations like this arise, you get to decide to say nothing and even make it clear that person has no business talking to you about your personal life.


Staygoldenponyboii

That’s the hardest when family tells me that. I reply nicely, while in person I’m screaming every profanity at my phone. Somehow my cousins ex husband who works jobs that pay him under the table so he doesn’t have to pay child support decided to message me that I should tell my dad I love him. Like who the fuck are you to tell me that when you’re a deadbeat piece of shit?? I feel bad saying nothing but I’m also pretty apathetic about a lot so I suppose it’s a lot of guilt that I would reply. I’ve tried keeping my peace and even tried talking to my mom but she ended up blaming everything on me right when I started talking about things and guilt tripped me. Now I get random messages from people and I always know that they said something to them. It’s hard not to know, you know? Heh..


TheAmazingRoomloaf

Counseling could help you find your way out of all that. In the meanwhile, I highly recommend the [Out of the Fog](https://outofthefog.website/) website. FOG is an acronym for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. The website explains a lot about how abusers use these emotions to control us. If the site rings any bells, I also recommend two books by the same author, Susan Forward. The first is Toxic Parents and the second one is Emotional Blackmail.


Shakespeare824

What a great recommendation! I will check it out, too!


Staygoldenponyboii

I always love going on social media hiatuses. It gives me time to really recharge, but the few people I’ve ran into that were on those facebooks think I blocked them and are kinda mean to me cause of that. (Luckily last time that happened I was drunk as hell and it didn’t ruin my night 😂)


Mayalien77

🌸I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s like they try to kill your whole existence by poisoning any people that could love or support you because of their lies. It’s true evil if you ask me. I’m struggling, too. Great Job getting rid of them!! Very brave 🌸


Staygoldenponyboii

Honestly tho. It’s fucking hard. I don’t mean to bitch about shit on here, but god damn it makes life so much harder. Especially when you already feel like everyone hates you, they really make everyone think you’re this or that. I know that hatred is a wasted emotion, but god damn it I can’t fucking think of any other word. It kills me every day and I feel like I have to just cover it up and forget about it like that box in the basement you put something important in but it’s there for a reason, you know? And I’m sorry you’re struggling with that, it really is hard and I’m sure that you’re going to do the right thing with it all. Something that helped me, was having the mindset “this is my life-not theirs. They did and do what they want, and my life is my choice now. I don’t want any regrets because this is my life” and things like that. It’s really hard, especially when they’re poisoning everyone around you, but that’s something that helped me and has helped me a lot. I hope that helps you as well, this is the one life we’re given and I truly hope that you’re able to break free from their grip.


Mayalien77

Thank you 🌸 I’ll make that my new mantra. It’s so surreal how much empathy we have compared to how much they lack it. Then they double down and become even more malignant because they have to discredit us to escape responsibility/accountability. Pathetic and insidious. I grieve the family and neighbors and friends I could have had in my life, but who think I am what she says I am. It feels like a near fatal Spiritual Assault. I try not to “bleed out” the last of any will to live, or faith I have left. It’s an every day haunting we live with. I hate and am absolutely disgusted by nmom. I hate that I care so much because they definitely do not. She would revel in my death, play the role of “grieving mother “ and soak up the attention and platform with a smirk as she falls asleep at night. I will never forgive or forget. I hope both of us are shown so much love, a better and bigger a Life that overshadows/eclipses the past and any pop up flying monkeys. Let’s saturate our Spirits in our CHOSEN family & leave the monsters to wither themselves out in the shadows alone at the end. Congratulations on your Engagement and beginning the Life you deserve, free of the cancer they are. Best of health and happiness & thank you for the tips


Godless_Heathen_M

For me it just took time and patience. Take a few days off and do something for you. Beach, parties, gaming days, I don't know, something you like. Take some time alone and thing of what you want in the future. What do you like for work? What do you want to become? Do you prefer money or happiness? Being alone or with others? This takes time. You need to distance yourself from whoever forced you into a particular box and try to stop their expectations from becoming yours. Try new jobs helps you understand the kind you like. Being somewhere alone in your thoughts helps you understand how you feel about yourself. For me it took 3-4 years to start maturing and understanding my personality and feelings after it finally ended. You might be more or less intuned with yourself. But w/e you do, keep putting your personal thoughts about yourself before others'. Also take people's advance on multiple things that your parents used to keep you in a box. This will help you grow as a person and learn your perspectives and ideas. Change yourself to what you want to be. Lastly. Enjoy the life you build and love yourself for who you are. Your family's issue with you is their own, you can't and shouldn't have to change their minds.


Staygoldenponyboii

Usually traveling helps distract me enough to come back and process through things, but covid has kinda put a hold on that haha otherwise I’ve worked on music and working on putting a band together. I usually have my dads voice inside my head tho-so it makes it hard a lot of the time and I feel like I come off like an asshole too much. I’d much rather happiness, you come into this world broke and you die broke. Im also a mix of an introvert and extrovert. I have times where I like to go out and be social with my few friend(s), but a lot of the time I like being alone. My fiancé owns a few stores n likes when I’m home for her to come home to, so I’ve been pursuing music and looking at it as a job more than a hobby. (Fingers crossed its worth it). And when it comes to focusing on myself, it’s a whole other obstacle. My fiancé pointed out that I’ve always been narcissistic and has been really helping me overcome it (not just saying that from my POV, she’s confirmed it when I’ve been doing good and points out when I slip into old habits to keep me grounded-she’s also pointed out it’s because of my parents I’m that way a lot of the time). But when I focus on myself too much I become that way more so-so finding a happy medium in itself is a fight to find. I’ve really been working on myself and constantly feel like I’m this or that in a negative sense. I have their voices in my head and what they tell people, I’ve cut off so many people and everyone I meet seems to instantly hate me for some reason. Im awkward n shit but I don’t feel like I’m that bad of a guy to be around.